Innocence
by Jacqueline King
Summary: Oh, my dove, I have yet to show you the full extent of loosing one's innocence." Morgan soon learns that Garcia is anything but innocent.
1. Scary Garcia

**Author's Note:** I wrote this twice because my computer was a jerk and died before I could save. I liked the first one better, but what can you do. I couldn't sleep and wrote this at three in the morning, so this is definitely not edited. I watched "Penelope" and decided I hadn't written any happy CM fanfics. I thought this would be a start. Enjoy.

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_"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards._" **- Oscar Wilde**

* * *

"Miss Penelope Garcia, what are you doing?"

The smooth and familiar voice came from right over Garcia's shoulder, causing her to jump and let out a yelp. She had not heard the owner of said familiar voice creep into her room, and she had not been expecting Morgan to pull any such stunts in her domain. In a flash, the analyst's fingers raced over the keyboard, closing a bundle of windows she had been viewing on the screens of her office's array of computers. The screens blank, she glanced over her shoulder, a pouting frown on her lips.

The field agent let out an amused chuckle at Garcia's frown and stepped back as she swiveled around dramatically in her chair.

"I'm not terrifying innocent peasants with my wicked good looks and inability to knock," she shot back. Morgan shook his head and laughed. Garcia turned back to her computer, fingers itching to be distracted. Morgan was in trouble, and she wouldn't be surprised if he had no idea.

"Now, Baby Girl, you are anything but _innocent."_

Garcia turned her head, eyeing Morgan up and down with a smirk. He was, as always, a sight for sore eyes. Especially after what she had just been reading. She swiveled around again and leaned back in her chair. She raised a slender eyebrow and brushed the fuzzy top of her pen against her cheek.

"Oh, my dove, I have yet to show you the full extent of loosing one's innocence," she cooed.

Garcia loved bringing out her sexy-but-scary voice. Every time, it either rendered her bantering opponent speechless, or so turned on she could easily take advantage of them on the spot, if she felt the urge.

Little did Morgan know, but he was toeing a dangerous line. He was about to cross into the land of scary Garcia. In which there was no sexy; only wrath.

"Is it anything like what you were reading there?"

"What? Reading what?"

She was giving him a way out. This was his only shot. He could easily reply with, "Never mind, Sweetstuff, I just wanted to remind you to stay beautiful" or "Never mind, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I'm completely and irrevocably in love with you". Either reply (or any similar) would be perfectly rational and acceptable for this situation so as to avoid a future filled with pain and humiliation. Said pain and humiliation would be administered by Garcia with very little remorse, as she had done all she could to protect Morgan from himself.

"Oh, don't act cute—"

"Too late."

"C'mon, Garcia. I saw that window open. That was _not _case related."

Garcia rolled her eyes and released a sigh. She would try one more time to save Morgan. Clearly, he was among the large group of men in America incapable of understanding when a woman wanted to change subject. Perhaps this was the reason he couldn't keep an intimate relationship with one for more than a single evening. Garcia made a mental note to investigate this notion further.

"Fine," she sighed. "Promise not to tell?"

"Scout's honor."

"I was reading a blog on the latest Nintendo DS game releases. My reflexes are used to minimizing windows concerning non-work related material like Flash Gordon when someone walks in. My record's 2.5 seconds. How was I?"

"I think you'd have had it beat," Morgan said. "If I hadn't walked in here without attracting your beautiful attention and seen that you were definitely _not _reading a blog about kid-friendly video games."

This was seriously his last chance. If Morgan valued any semblance of dignity, he would stop. Right. Now.

"Unless people are blogging about kid-friendly games that feature Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee in a _star-struck love affair _in a world filled with _confusion and violence." _

Enter scary Garcia.

"Derek. Morgan." The FBI technical analyst leaned forward and slowly stood up out of her throne. "I swear on all that is still good and green in this world that if you repeat a word of that to _anyone, _the entire bullpen will be receiving an untraceable email containing a photo of you wearing buttless chaps and brandishing a lasso."

Morgan backed off, literally. "Whoa, Baby Girl…I wasn't trying to—"

"AH!" Garcia snapped her fingers and shook her head sharply to stop any protests. "Nope, nope, nope. I am not joking. Buttless. Chaps."

The field agent could only stare at her in disbelief as the cheery blonde turned back to her desk to retrieve her coffee mug. "Now," she said, the sweet Garcia suddenly back with all smiles and sunshine. "How about some coffee?" With that, she headed through the door, leaving a thoroughly confused, slightly frightened and a little amused Derek Morgan in her wake.

"Innocent my ass."

"Hey, hey! What did I just say? _Buttless. Chaps. _Now get out here and make me some coffee."

Morgan complied; once again the talented mastermind that is Penelope Garcia had used the magic of Photoshop to worm her way out of an awkward explanation.


	2. Evil Garcia

**Author's Note:** Thanks for all your lovely feedback! I wasn't planning on writing another installment of this one, but with so many people faving and alerting, I felt I needed to do a follow-up. This will be the last of this misadventure, but I love writing the characters like this so I'm sure there will be others! Thanks for reading! - Jacqueline

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_"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can." -_** Elsa Maxwell**

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"I'm not kidding, Reid. That girl's got a maniacal brain that you _don't _want to have turn on you."

Derek Morgan explained the ways of Penelope Garcia as if it were the greatest revelation of his life. Reid just sat back at his desk, his brows furrowed as he tried not to laugh at the fellow profiler.

"Morgan, how could you not have noticed that earlier?"

"Because I'm her chocolate cupcake!"

Reid couldn't hold it in anymore. He let out a snort of laughter and turned back to his pile of paperwork. "Look, Morgan. It's okay when, Garcia calls you stuff like that, but when you say it back it just sounds..." The doctor gave another small chuckle and lifted his head up from his work to stare past the desk divider to an obstinate Morgan. "Well, in vernacular, it sounds really _gay." _

Morgan gave a frustrated sigh and moved his chair from facing Reid. He'd been trying to get an _ally _out of this. Apparently Reid was still innocently unaware of the inner workings of Penelope Garcia's happily twisted mind. Not that Morgan was suddenly an expert, but he had definitely seen the technical analyst in a new light.

"So what did you do that made her blackmail you?"

Morgan's head shot up from his desk so quickly Reid made a comment about whiplash that was lost to the other agent. His eyes shot around the bullpen suspiciously. If anyone had heard this exchange, Garcia could catch wind. Then with a well placed stroke of the keyboard, the whole office would find themselves staring at a very nicely faked photo of Morgan in-- well, he shuddered even to think about. To think that he'd mentioned chaps so casually a year ago...

_"I better not come back and find those photos."_

_"Oh, my dear, you will never _find _them."_

That should of been a clear warning sign of impending doom.

"Wait, what?" Morgan snapped at Reid. "What did you just say?"

"I said that with the surfacing of new technologies blackmail is on a rise, especially--"

"No, no. Why do you think Garcia is blackmailing me?"

"Garcia's blackmailing you?"

The voice came from behind Morgan, and he inwardly flinched. This was not good. Emily Prentiss walked around the two men discussing their resident Tech Goddess. She sat on the edge of Reid's desk with a smirk on her face. "What did you do?"

Morgan made eye contact with Reid for a moment, a look crossing the older profiler's face that clearly said to keep his mouth shut. Reid gave a lop-sided smile and turned back to his desk. He shuffled some papers, kept his head down, and cleared his throat. Prentiss, however, kept her bright eyes attentive on Morgan.

"Nothing. Reid's just sticking his nose in my business."

"I didn't solicit this conversation! You were the one talking about her evil streak! I just put two and two together." Reid's eidetic memory is apparently useless when it comes to remembering to _shut the hell up. _

"Garcia? Evil?" Prentiss laughed, and stood up. "She's just a woman with information. And that," Morgan eyed Prentiss with perturb, "can be scary enough."

"Have you ever made her mad?" Reid asked.

"No, but I've seen her angry with Morgan."

"Hey, since when?"

"When you told her to ignore that guy who asked her out for a date."

"Yeah, and he turned out to be an _Angel of Death_ bent on _killing_ her. No one can say I've done bad to my Baby Girl."

"Except apparently now, otherwise she wouldn't be blackmailing you," Reid muttered.

"Hey, Genius, do me a favor and stop being a smart ass," Morgan shot back.

"Well, somebody's tense," Prentiss said, her voice feigning innocent observation. "What's on your mind, Morgan? Worried someone might over hear our conversation?"

"He's looked around the room five times since you showed up," Reid supplied. Morgan made a mental note to box the kid's ears the next time he was pouring all that sugar into his coffee.

"So, what's she got on you?" Prentiss pressed, leaning over the divider to smile at Morgan. "Is it just talk or does she have photos?"

This was enough. With both Prentiss and Reid catching on quick, Morgan was left with no option. Time to play the only card left. "Actually, it's what I got on her that's the cause for all this," Morgan said.

"What was that, my dove?"

Morgan saw Prentiss' smile grow wider. She had been staring at him, and his eyes had been focused on her leaning over precariously on his desk. He hadn't bothered to look around the room before he spoke the words. Now the voice coming from behind him was dripping with sweetness and pure evil.

Morgan didn't even bother to turn around.

"I'll be back later for coffee guys," Penelope Garcia told the two intrigued and utterly amused profilers surrounding the suffering Derek Morgan.

"I've got an email to send out real quick. Then maybe Morgan can tell us what he's been gossiping about._" _


End file.
